SOD would like to cordially welcome you to the third installment of BOM.

We define a BITCH OF THE MONTH as anyone irritating enough to warrant a rant of Homeric proportions; male, female, or whatever.

Our newest Bitch of the Month….Martha Stewart!

Ms. Stewart is like a weed in the garden of good living, stamping out the delicate blossoms of originality and creativity with her mass-produced goods, merchandised under the guise of "making do." Unfortunately, many seem unaware that one doesn’t "make do" with $46 cookie cutters, or that Martha’s upper-crust style isn’t accessible even though she sells her stuff at Kmart. Therefore, we feel compelled to warn you of the dangerous contradictions of Martha Stewart.

Martha may find the home teeming with "good things"—old things to be salvaged—but she requires a big budget and a team of stylists to make a good thing into a worthy thing. So, unless you’ve got time and money galore, and the flair of a professional decorator, you’d better face it: Your "good thing" is always going to be a crappy thing, and there’s no changing it.

However, SOD does not equate "good thing" with "product line," and we know how to live well without making everything picture-perfect. We manage to survive the holidays without Martha’s pricey Easter Egg kits ($48) or professionally-pressed oak leaves ($15), and we know you will too. After all, Easter eggs are eaten the next day; and oak leaves, unlike money, DO grow on trees. So think it over before you purchase any "essentials" (such as the Japanese Vegetable Shaver, $98) from Martha Stewart’s Living magazine. In the end, she’ll be living in Hell for marketing such atrocities.

SOD considers it a "a good thing" to name Martha Stewart as Bitch of the Month.