There is a cesspool of bad talent and skanky divas out there, just waiting to piss you off. These bitches lurk everywhere, threatening to twist even the most mild-mannered person into a spastic fury. In a measure to protect and serve our community, SOD identifies these individuals—hopefully making them crawl in a hole before they get under your skin.

We define BITCH as anyone irritating enough to warrant a rant of Homeric proportions; male, female, whatever. Fame without talent and wealth without effort are the two main factors we take into consideration, but anything is possible if we’re bugged enough.

It's easy to see that someone like Mariah Carey would be a prime candidate for our first BOM. If you’ve ever been subjected to her high-pitched shrieking and unbelievably trite love songs, you would know that the public should be warned about this wailing menace. We consulted our music expert, Squeakalicious, who opined, "Mariah sounds like the air being slowly released from a balloon." This confirmed our gut feelings about Ms. Carey (as in being ready to vomit) and clinched our decision. But…

Lo and behold, there appeared one Britney Spears, whose song may be entitled "…Baby." (We're not certain, as no Sisteur can endure reading the song’s entire title, let alone sit through the recording). We briefly viewed her video, and we assure you: her supposed dancing skill is an outright media lie. It seems that Britney’s only talent is posing in outfits that make you think her crap MIGHT be worth buying—if you’re into gawking at teenaged girls in their underwear.

We thought Britney was our sure-fire candidate for BOM. But then, Mariah turned up at the Oscars in a horribly clingy dress, the sight of which threw all of us into nauseous spasms.

What was SOD to do? One bitch can't sing, the other can't dance, and neither one knows how to cover themselves.

SOD had only one option: CALL IT A DRAW.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Please join us in saluting SOD's first BOMs:

Mariah Carey

Britney Spears