By BOOGER

PART ELEVEN

(Phone rings.) "Hello,this is BowieNet,I am your operator, Michelle, how may I help you?"

Voice; "Me am wondering where you live?"

Michelle; "Sir?"

Voice; "Me am wondering where you live so me can come and visit you. Can me bring horse person too?"

Michelle; "Sir, would you like to sign up for BowieNet?"

Voice; "Me have BowieNet, me want to VISIT BowieNet."

Michelle; "I'm sorry sir, I am not permitted to divulge that information. Is there something else you wanted?"

Voice; "Phoo. Me pay money every month and now dog appears on computer screen telling Booger what to do to give Bowie more money! Luckily horse pulls me away and breaks dog's spell. Of course screen crash to floor and now me need new one, but you no care, do you."

Michelle; (to nearby coworker) "Whoa, I've got a live one here, what a flake-o."

Operator 2; "Just hang up, hon, maybe he'll give up or get another operator when he calls...no, wait, that could be me. Here, tell him to call this number..." (Pulls slip of paper from purse.)

Michelle; "Sir? Our customer complaint department is area 515-234-5439. You may call them if you need to register a complaint. Goodbye, and have a nice day." CLICK.

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

(Phone rings.) "Hello. This is operative double oh-seven. I can't speak now, I think I'm being observed. I've nailed down the location of the secret base. Here are the coordinates..."

Voice; "What you talking about!!! Me want complain about Bowienet!!! Me want come visit, but you not let Booger come!!!"

OO7; "What the...? Listen, get on to your government, call the FBI, OR CIA HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, and tell them Bond has located the secret underwater base of the c.e.o.!"

Voice; "huh? Secret base? Hmmm. If it so secret how come you have phone number?"

OO7; "Ackh! It's unlisted you cretin! Now, please, call Washington and get hold of the pentagon, or better yet, her majesty's secret service, in London, I'll give you the number! Just tell me you'll do it, please!"

Voice; "Oh, all right."

OO7; "Good! Now write it down so you get it right..."

Continue to Part 12...