CONSPIRACIES AND THE BOWIE CONNECTION As you may have noticed of late, the Sisteurs have been overwhelmed with questions regarding one conspiracy or another. Were the hobos on the grassy knoll there to shoot Kennedy or simply have a picnic between choruses of "Jimmy Cracked Corn and I Don't Care?" Did General Mills know that by putting Red Dye #2 in the Crazy Cow cereal that not only would it cause milk to turn thick and chocolaty, but cause it would also cause cancer? And just who was behind the banishment of Sid and Marty Krofft shows from Saturday morning television? While being as omniscient as SOD can be without having Zeus as a father, the Sisteurs cannot possibly solve all the riddles of the universe. Firstly, because it would take away from precious time spent in the lab trying to re-create Crazy Cow cereal, and secondly because SOD does not currently have a Mystery Machine to run around in and solve stuff. But there are some conspiracies that simply demand that one stop doing the Bossa Nova and start busting a Sherlock Holmes move. Let SOD introduce you to the one of the biggest conspiracies of the 21st century: THE GREAT BEEB CLUSTERFUCK Please consider the following: EXHIBIT A: EXHIBIT B: EXHIBIT C: EXHIBIT D: May SOD also remind you of the "limited edition" hologramic "Hours..." cover. Just last week, Sisteur Rave-On found over 768 of them at an HMV warehouse in Cincinnati! LIMTED EDITION SOD'S EYE! And did you ever notice that EMI spelled backwards is I'm E? Who is "E?" Evan Torrie perhaps? Einstein (as a side point if you follow the "I" before "E" rules, then Einstein got it wrong TWICE)? Elsa Lanchester is out because she's dead. The Sisteurs cannot possibly get to the bottom of this without first knowing who this mysterious "E" is. At this point, there is enough convincing evidence of a conspiracy there to put away half of the recording industry! (Which in and of itself ain't such a bad thing!) I mean if the CIA tried these sorts of tactics, Cuba would be "Puerto Rico II" by now! The only explanation, other than EMI is full of people who can't promote their way out of wet paper bags, is that perhaps the RIAA is involved somehow... If they were mad enough at Our David for his support of Napster and freedom in general, then perhaps they are looking for a way to make Sailor look bad. When you think about it, the Mob has killed people for less than that. Hey, maybe the mob is involved! Maybe while Sailor was fighting for our freedom to listen to any kind of bad music for free, he angered the Mob and they put a contract out on his Beeb CD's as a retaliation... You know, SOD could go on with this all the live long day, however today is pedicure and Manolo Blahnik shopping day, so SOD is forced leave you to figure out the conspiracy on your own. Besides, every so often it's good to get out of Bnut chat, go outside to smell the flowers and think for yourself! If you have any information that can help solve the Great Beeb Clusterfuck, email the Sisteurs today. Be a super-sleuth; help SOD get to the bottom of this travesty and help rid society of business practices that make big business tons of money! SOD thanks you for your time. |